Bondage Basics and Safety
I’m not sure how this all began, but bondage was an essential part of my Barbie play when I was a little girl. My barbies were constantly being abducted and tied up - by me. I knew that I was unusual - I was certainly the only child I knew who was exploring what I later learned was BDSM with their Barbies - but I did not understand why. The idea of being tied up fascinated me, and I delighted in enacting these peculiar fantasies again and again. Many years later, at the age of 14, I discovered Anne Rice’s Sleeping Beauty series and my whole world burst into color. (By the way, if you are into BDSM, sadomasochism, or predicament bondage and you haven’t read this series - please do yourself a favor and check it out.) While reading Rice’s series, I not only unlocked a key part of my sexual self, but I gained insight into my childhood play. I finally had a name for something that I had always craved - bondage.
In the many years since my first bondage experience I have had exhaustive amounts of formal and informal training. Basically, I have done everything the hard way (teaching myself) and the easy way (being taught by someone else). When I first began my exploration I had no one to discuss my desires with. I felt alone, a little weird, and full of curiosity. Perhaps you can relate. Luckily, you have me to share with you everything that I wish I knew when I first got started. In this blog post, we'll delve into the world of bondage safety, providing tips and guidelines for a secure and pleasurable exploration.
Before You Begin
Consent
Consent is non-negotiable in BDSM and bondage. All parties involved must provide explicit and enthusiastic consent for every aspect of the activity. Consent should be informed, meaning that each partner understands the risks and activities involved. It should also be ongoing, with the option to revoke or adjust consent at any point during the session. Establish trust and ensure that everyone involved feels comfortable and respected.
Hint: Surprising someone with bondage who has never expressed the desire to explore bondage is scary. Also, surprising someone with bondage without consent is not sexy. So, let’s all endeavor to be sexy instead of scary.
2. Communication
Communication is the foundation of any successful BDSM activity, including bondage. Both partners should engage in open, honest, and continuous communication before, during, and after a bondage session. Discuss your desires, boundaries, expectations, and any concerns you may have. Establish a safe and non-judgmental space for conversation, where both partners feel comfortable expressing their needs and limits. If you struggle to communicate your feelings, boundaries, desires, or anything that makes you feel vulnerable PLEASE work on that first before you put yourself or someone else at risk.
Hint: A safeword and a safety hand signal are essential for all BDSM practices, including bondage. A safety hand signal is a way to communicate your safeword if you are gagged or your mouth is otherwise occupied. Make sure you and your partner agree on both a safe word and hand signal before you get tied up.
3. Educate Yourself
Before embarking on bondage adventures, take the time to educate yourself about the practice. Learn about different bondage techniques, safety measures, and the equipment you plan to use. There are numerous books, online resources, and workshops available that can provide valuable insights and guidance. Working with a BDSM coach is also a great way to learn the skills you need to have fun with bondage. Knowledge is a powerful tool for reducing risks and increasing the overall safety of the experience.
Hint: Educating yourself beforehand helps you feel relaxed and confident when trying something new. When you are relaxed and confident it’s so much easier to focus on pleasure - both feeling it and giving it.
4. Knowledge of Anatomy
Understanding the human body is essential when practicing bondage. Be aware of pressure points, nerves, and sensitive areas. Avoid putting excessive pressure on joints, bones, or vital organs, and ensure that blood circulation is not compromised. Tingling, or numb fingers is a sign that the bondage is too tight! Dark red or blue hands or feet is also a sign that the bondage is too tight. Regularly check in with your partner during the activity to ensure their comfort and well-being.
Hint: When restraining a bottom’s wrists, the Top should be able to slip a finger underneath the restraints where it rests against the underside of the wrist. The finger test ensures that the carpal tunnel will not be compressed. This applies to simple bondage only, not Shibari or suspension.
During Your Experience
Use High-Quality Equipment
Invest in high-quality bondage equipment to ensure safety and durability. Common bondage equipment includes ropes, cuffs, blindfolds, gags, and more. Ensure that the materials are clean, well-maintained, and free from defects or damage. Cheap or poorly-made equipment, or hardware not intended for bondage can break or cause injury.
Hint: Do not tie someone’s wrists with old shoelaces. First of all - sanitation concerns are real. Secondly, and more importantly, using a thin material like shoelaces, string, or fishing line is dangerous because it can cut into the skin.
2. Start Slow and Simple
If you're new to bondage, it's wise to start with basic and less restrictive techniques. Begin with simple restraints, like leather wrist cuffs, a silk scarf, or bondage tape, and easy positions to become comfortable with the experience. As you gain confidence and experience, you can gradually explore more complex and elaborate forms of restraint. Take the time to practice and refine your skills before advancing to more intricate techniques.
Hint: Ropes are the most complex form of bondage and take many hours of practice to master.
3. Communicate
Throughout the bondage session, continuously check in with your partner. Ask them how they are feeling and if they are comfortable. Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues to ensure that everyone involved is having a pleasurable and safe experience. Communication should be consistent during the scene.
Hint: An attentive Dom is a sexy Dom.
4. Have Safety Shears On Hand
Safety shears, also known as EMT shears, are indispensable tools for bondage play. They have a blunt edge that allows you to safely cut through ropes or other restraints in case of an emergency. Always keep them within arm's reach during your bondage sessions, and ensure that you know how to use them properly. Regardless of the level of complexity, safety should always be a top priority.
5. Never Leave Your Partner Unattended
Ever! During a bondage session, never leave your partner unattended, especially if they are restrained. Accidents can happen, and immediate assistance may be required. Stay attentive to your partner's needs and communicate continuously to ensure their safety and comfort.
6. Set a Time Limit
Before starting a bondage session, establish a predetermined time limit. This ensures that both partners have a clear understanding of when the activity will end, which will help you stay relaxed and present during the experience. It's easy to lose track of time in the heat of the moment, so having a predefined limit can help prevent unnecessary discomfort or anxiety.
Hint: If the bottom (the person being restrained) has not held a specific position for a long period of time, they will get tired so much faster than you would expect! Their body can become tense and this tension leads to faster fatigue and sore muscles. It can also lead to injury. As you practice and gain experience it will become easier to remain restrained or in complex positions for longer periods of time.
7. Avoid Alcohol and Drugs
Alcohol and drugs impair judgment and coordination, increasing the risk of accidents or injuries. Save any indulgence for after the session when both partners can fully consent and participate safely. This is especially important when you are trying something new for the first time.
Hint: I know Chemsex is a thing, but you would be shocked by how much pleasure you can experience when you are completely sober. I say this because most Americans have had at least one drink before they have sex. Most of us don’t realize how numbed out we are. Chemsex might be great for some, but bondage requires attentiveness.
After Your Experience
1. Aftercare
Aftercare is a crucial part of the bondage experience. After a scene, take the time to provide emotional and physical support to your partner. Bondage can be intense, and aftercare helps both partners relax, recover, and reconnect. It can include cuddling, reassurance, or simply allowing your partner to decompress in a safe and nurturing environment.
Hint: Many bottoms experience sore muscles after a scene, especially when they are new to bondage. I’m fairly certain a brief rub down would be appreciated.
2. Debrief
Once aftercare has been provided and you both have come back down to Earth, discuss the experience. Share what worked for you and what didn’t work. Communication is such an important part of exploring bondage that it’s in this blog thrice!
3. Seek Professional Guidance
If you're new to bondage or plan to explore more advanced techniques, consider seeking guidance from a BDSM coach, a professional dominatrix or attending workshops led by experienced practitioners. These resources can provide hands-on experience, practical skills, and safety tips in a controlled and knowledgeable environment.
Hint: I highly recommend taking a rope bondage class if you are interested in this form of restraint. You will learn so much more during a hands-on class than you will reading a book or watching a video.
Whether you are trying up your partner, yourself, or your barbies, bondage can enhance your sexual connection with your partner(s) and add some spice to your sexlife when done mindfully. This means preparing yourself beforehand with knowledge about the body, restraints, and safety. It also means open and consistent communication between you and your partner(s). As well as ensuring that everyone is sober and consenting. Bondage has been a huge source of pleasure, connection and fun in my life, and I sincerely hope it can be the same for you. And like most of my experiences with bondage, this has been a pleasure to write.