Sadomasochism: Everything You Need to Know and More
Within the realm of BDSM, sadomasochism is an often misunderstood form of sexual expression. Sadomasochism, often abbreviated as S&M or S/M, is a collection of erotic acts involving the consensual exchange of power and control, with emphasis on pain, degradation, and pleasure. Within this form of erotic role-play, a sadist derives pleasure from inflicting pain, emotional distress, and humiliation upon a willing participant - the masochist. A masochist derives pleasure from submitting to the control, pain, and humiliation inflicted upon them by another - the sadist. The term “switch” applies to individuals who enjoy both the sadistic and masochistic roles and thus can switch between them.
S&M is considered healthy when trust, safety, and informed consent are part of the erotic role-play. What distinguishes S&M from sexual assault, violence, and sexual aggression are informed consent, boundary negotiation, and an emphasis on mutual pleasure. While the thought of harming others or being harmed is antithetical to what most find arousing, S&M is a way that many people seek to meet their core erotic theme; the emotional or psychological component of our desire.
A Brief History
While there is no definitive historical account of the evolution of S&M or BDSM, it is clear that humanity has been engaging in forms of kink from the very beginning. Sadomasochistic practices can be traced back to ancient civilizations, where rituals and activities involving dominance and submission were integrated into religious and cultural ceremonies. In ancient Rome, for example, sexual rituals were often linked to power dynamics and social hierarchies. Stone-age Egyptians and Central and South American cultures had similar religious and hierarchical practices. The act of flagellation, a form of corporal punishment involving whipping or beating, was not only used as a means of discipline but also incorporated into erotic practices.
Throughout history, various cultural movements have contributed to the evolution and acceptance of sadomasochistic practices. The term sadomasochism, and the activities it encompasses have a more recent history. The terms “sadism” and “masochism” were introduced in 1890 by German psychiatrist, Richard von-Krafft-Ebing, in his work New Research in the Area of Psychopathology of Sex. (It’s a somewhat dry, but fascinating read for those who are interested.) Sadism was named after the infamous 18th-century French libertine, the Marquis de Sade. In addition to being considered a sexual deviant, de Sade was a political activist and author. He wrote copiously about his sadistic experiences and fantasies. De Sade was imprisoned for various “sex crimes” but continued to write his obscene, and disturbing sexual stories until his dying day. The term “masochist” was named after the Austrian author Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, who wrote erotic plays and stories emphasizing the masochistic role, the most famous of which is Venus in Furs.
The 20th century saw the emergence of the BDSM subculture, with the formation of communities who were engaging in consensual practices that were once considered taboo. The publication of the novel "Story of O" by Pauline Réage in 1954 further fueled interest in BDSM, depicting a woman's journey into submission and serving as a catalyst for discussions about power dynamics and consent.
Psychological Perspective
When it comes to darker desires like S&M, it is easy to assume that there is some morbid or traumatic origin which serves as the root of this sexual preference. Psychodynamic perspectives explore the idea that sadomasochistic desires may stem from early childhood experiences, where individuals may have developed complex associations between pleasure, pain, and power dynamics.
While it is true that some of our sexual preferences can result from childhood trauma or harm we experienced as adults, psychodynamic theories are just one lens through which to understand S&M, and individual motivations can vary significantly. Our sexual desires develop in tandem with our life experiences. Many of our sexual preferences develop to give us a way to meet unmet needs from childhood, or to help us express parts of ourselves that are stifled in our day-to-day experiences - but not necessarily from trauma or harm. Understanding the psychological motivation behind any sexual desire begins with appreciating that the psychology of an individual is complex and dynamic.
In general, dominant desires commonly expressed in BDSM center on a need for power and control. Sadistists are distinct in that their desire manifests with an aggressive element. In other words, the sadist uses aggression as a tool of control. This need for aggression can be a way to process frustration, unresolved anger, or feelings or powerlessness in everyday life. It can also be a way to resolve past trauma in which the sadist felt harmed while also feeling powerless. In some cases, the experience of vulnerability is the true desire of the sadist, but they can only safely experience sexual vulnerability by proxy. Thus, they get their emotional need for vulnerability met through the submission of the masochistic partner.
Masochistic desires, on the other hand, can be a way to escape from the pressures of everyday life. Participating in S&M is often a means of coping with difficult feelings such as stress, shame, guilt, or low self-esteem. Relief from these difficult emotions can be found through subjecting themselves to pain, humiliation and punishment. By choosing to participate in these activities, people with masochistic desires can achieve a sense of control and power, as well as revisiting a harmful experience with agency. For others, feeling controlled by a powerful other can elicit feelings of safety, belonging, and protection.
For many, the appeal lies in the temporary surrender of control or the assumption of control, providing a sense of escapism or a break from societal expectations. The negotiated power exchange is consensual and serves as a form of psychological exploration, allowing individuals to navigate the complexities of power within the safe confines of a carefully defined relationship.
Physiological Perspective
The incorporation of pain into sadomasochistic activities is not about causing harm or suffering but rather about the consensual exchange of intense sensations that can elicit pleasure. The intentional infliction or reception of pain in a controlled and consensual setting allows individuals to explore the boundaries of their sensory experiences, heightening arousal and creating a unique emotional connection. It is well documented that individuals who regularly participate in BDSM scenes report being able to reach ‘altered states’, likened to a meditative state. This state is achieved do to a change in neurochemistry and brain function during experiences of extreme pain, pleasure, and emotional attunement.
When experiencing sexual pleasure, the brain releases several neurochemicals that work together to create the pleasurable physical sensations and emotional connections associated with sexual activity. Some of the key neurochemicals involved include:
1. Dopamine: Dopamine is often referred to as the "pleasure neurotransmitter" and plays a central role in the brain's reward system. It is released in response to pleasurable stimuli, including sexual activity, and is associated with feelings of reward, motivation, and reinforcement.
2. Serotonin: Serotonin is another neurotransmitter that influences mood and emotion. It helps regulate various physiological processes, including sexual desire and arousal. Alterations in serotonin levels can affect sexual behavior and function.
3. Oxytocin: Often referred to as the "love hormone" or "bonding hormone," oxytocin is released during intimate activities, including sexual intercourse, touching, and cuddling. It promotes bonding, trust, and emotional intimacy between partners.
4. Endorphins: Endorphins are the body's natural pain relievers, but they also contribute to feelings of pleasure and euphoria. They are released during sexual activity and can enhance the overall experience by reducing discomfort and promoting relaxation.
During experiences of intense pain, blood flow to the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex is reduced. This part of the brain is responsible for an individual’s ability to distinguish itself from the “other”. Reduction in our ability to distinguish ourselves from another can produce a feeling of oneness. In other words, a masochist can feel a sense of closeness, intimacy, and merging with a sadist who provides them with pain during an S&M scene. When we experience pain, the brain releases several neurochemicals, including: endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine.
Feeling close to someone can trigger the release of various neurochemicals that work together to facilitate social bonding, trust, and emotional intimacy; ultimately strengthening connections with others and fostering positive relationships. Some of the key neurochemicals involved include: oxytocin, vasopressin, dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, and adrenaline.
Below, is a summary of the primary neurochemicals released during pleasure, pain and interpersonal connection. As you can see, three neurochemicals are present in all categories: dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. What this suggests is that when engaging in S&M, our brains receive a triple shot of potent neurochemistry that intensifies our feelings of pleasure and connection. The supersaturation of this neurochemistry can also contribute to achieving the feeling of being in an ‘altered state'.
Cultural
Cultural motivations for engaging in sadism and masochism can vary widely and are influenced by a multitude of factors, including social norms, cultural values, historical contexts, and individual experiences. While it's essential to recognize that not all cultures view or accept sadism and masochism in the same way, some common cultural motivations may include:
1. Exploration of Taboos: A fascination with exploring taboo or forbidden aspects of human experience, including pain, power dynamics, and sexuality. Engaging in sadism and masochism can be a way of challenging societal norms and boundaries, as well as exploring the complexities of human desire and behavior.
2. Eroticization of Power Dynamics: For some individuals, engaging in sadomasochistic activities can be a way of exploring and eroticizing power imbalances, control, and surrender. This may reflect cultural attitudes toward gender roles, authority, and interpersonal relationships.
3. Catharsis and Release: S&M can provide a means of catharsis or emotional release for individuals experiencing stress, frustration, or emotional turmoil. Engaging in consensual acts of pain or submission may offer a temporary escape from everyday pressures and responsibilities, allowing individuals to experience a sense of relief or liberation.
4. Cultural Rituals and Traditions: Some cultures have long standing traditions or rituals that involve practices similar to sadomasochism, such as ritualistic flagellation or initiation rites. These practices may serve religious, spiritual, or cultural purposes and can be deeply ingrained in the cultural fabric. Engaging in S&M can be a way to defy cultural or religious taboos, or incorporate valued spiritual practices into sexual play.
5. Socialization and Peer Influence: Peer groups can play a significant role in shaping individuals' attitudes and behaviors regarding sexuality and interpersonal relationships. In cultures where sadomasochistic practices are more accepted or normalized, individuals may be more likely to explore or engage in these activities as a form of social bonding or identity expression.
6. Media and Popular Culture: Depictions of sadomasochism in literature, art, film, and other forms of media can influence cultural perceptions and attitudes toward these practices. Media representations may glamorize or sensationalize sadomasochism, leading individuals to perceive it as exciting, taboo, or sexually appealing.
BDSM provides a platform for individuals to explore and express aspects of their identity and fantasies that may be challenging to incorporate into their everyday lives. The adoption of roles within the BDSM context allows individuals to temporarily step outside societal expectations and engage in activities that fulfill their deepest desires. Many individuals find empowerment and self-discovery through the negotiation of boundaries, the expression of desires, and the communication required for a successful BDSM relationship. The freedom to explore and communicate openly about desires fosters a sense of authenticity and acceptance.
Sadomasochism reflects the diverse and complex nature of human sexuality, and while motivations to engage in S&M are deeply personal, dynamic, and varied, there are psychological theories and physiological certainties that help shed a light on this dark corner of human desire. The evolution of societal attitudes, legal frameworks, and media representations has played a significant role in bringing BDSM into the mainstream conversation, challenging preconceived notions and fostering a more inclusive understanding of diverse sexual practices. As society continues to evolve, so too will our understanding and acceptance of the wide spectrum of human sexual expression, including the intricate and consensual exploration of pleasure and pain.